What am I going to do now,
With all this love?
I always end up back here
Feeling trapped. Regretting it.
Knowing he isn’t you.
And however much good I get
It’s never enough. And,
However much I’m catered for
It always wears off.
It feels OK in the quiet
But I don’t want to own it
Out in public.
Why do I do that, to men who want me?
Shrug away from them
Ensuring I look free?
Is it for you?
In case you should see me somewhere
Unexpectedly? And I can’t have you put off
By a man with his arm around me?
Is that what I’m always waiting for?
You? To show up with unapologetic recognition?
Me? Unreserved forgiveness for those I’d abandon?
At traffic lights, in a queue, in a café?
Its selfish, but
I like adoration too much to turn them away.
So don’t pause or stop to think,
If you should see me
Sitting somewhere, or passing on a street, fleetingly
Alone or otherwise
Any man past or yet coming…he means nothing longeved to me
Except self-satisfaction of my vanity
I’ve been weak, it’s something I shouldn’t allow or do.
All you need to know is;
I only ever have and ever will
Belong to you.
